On homesickness, and other things -- a Thanksgiving post

If I'm not at work, I spend an absurd amount of time in my windowless shoebox of a room. Sometimes I'm on the internet checking my email for the umpteenth time, or stupidly staring at my Skype box waiting for a call, but mostly staring at the beige walls wondering what to do with myself. Oh, no, it's not that I haven't been enjoying myself and "doing things". As keep telling folks, I've done much more in a month here than I ever have back stateside. I force myself to check out exhibits, coffeeshops, hang out with friends I've made, and just plain wander around in order to NOT succumb to craziness.

However, I've only been here about two months and I'm already feeling the crunch of loneliness/homesickness. To appear tough, my explanations revolve around food; burritos and bagels, to be precise. I rarely admit to missing people's company. Although a common sentiment, I loathe the empathy and--perhaps I'm reading into this--the pity, to be looked upon (thought of) as though I can't hack a year "alone," without the familiarity, without the support. Indeed, it was a huge step for me to cross the ocean and try to lead a life anew, if only temporarily. (If you look at it another way, I put off dealing with stateside issues for a year, but that's neither here nor there.) I told myself this would a be a good way to "rethink things," "find myself," "grow up a little," and brush up on Spanish in the process. To have fun, even.

The thing is, I'm not the kind of person who has fun. Rather, I don't even know what fun is. Superficial concerns take up my time, and contemplating their superficial quality drives me even more mad. This post is proof thereof.

I suppose this time is as good as any other to divert you reader(s) from the self-pitying tone of this entry and try something positive. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, a very U.S. holiday, one which I've stopped celebrating many moons ago (nothing political, although this might be recommended reading). This year that I'm abroad, I'm disappointed to be missing the ceremony (to watch the parade, really) and chatting with my folks over pizza (I'm vegetarian).

To celebrate (and of course, stay posi), I give you a list of a few things for which I'm grateful:

1. FINALLY getting my fianza back from the first apartment
I stayed at this place for two weeks in October. Then I found my current place and promptly told my ex-roommate. He said he'd give back the deposit by November. I said to take his time. He sure did, but at least, I have it.

2. Spending time in this wonderful city.
Alright, contrary to what I've just written, I'm very glad to take advantage of what Madrid has to offer. Maybe I'll never be a night owl, but like any great city, there's something here for everyone.

3. Visiting friends and family over the holidays.
Nuff said!

Thanks to you as well, dear blog reader(s) for making it this far. Stay tuned...



(Photo: American Bounty Catering)